Minneapolis, Minnesota Basilica - We are oh sooooo very sorry!
We here at Midwest Triple X love the holidays so much we thought we would run a special promo. We’ll just say we’ve handed out quite a bit of lube and condoms in our days, especially around the holidays (time of giving and all that!)
Sometimes it’s not very well received. It has come to our attention that some members of The Minneapolis, Minnesota Basilica were offended when they received certain promotional materials, at least a couple even called the city! We did our best to include our contact info for comments, questions, and concerns, but apparently they didn’t want to complain to us, but instead the higher ups.
So in lieu of paying any fines, we have opted to write a public apology letter to those that have been offended. So, without further adu, here you go you wankers.
Oh Minneapolis, Minnesota Basilica, how very sorry we are…let us count the ways! We are sorry that we gave on the holidays…we now realize that giving is bad, and will make sure never to do it again.
We are sorry that we want people to be safe when having sex, we forgot that nobody in your congregation married or otherwise has sex.
We now appreciate how lubrication is a dirty, dirty thing, and is a DANGER to our society as a whole! Whether it’s WD40, Cooking Oil, Motor Oil, or just a good ol’ wack lube, we are planning on starting an online petition. We will be sending it to our congressman to ensure that ALL these sinful lubes are BANNED from our beloved state immediately!
We are also extremely sorry that not even HALF of the people from your congregation that stopped in were stopping in to complain. More people were here to shop than to complain. For this we are sorry, and if there is anything we can do to help cleanse your congregation of wrong-doing, we are all ears.
Above all else, we apologize for NOT BEING SORRY! Merry Christmas (oops gotta be pc, happy holidays is what we mean) and all that happy horseshit!
With utmost Sincerity,
Midwest Triple X Staff and Employees!
207 Washington Ave. North
Minneapolis, MN
612-332-8725
You may send emails on this topic to FuckOffWeDontGiveAShit@shopmidwestxxx.com , and we will get back to you as soon as we give a fuck~
Tags: Midwest XXX, Minneapolis Basilica, Minnesota Basilica, Oops
January 14th, 2009 at 11:30 am
I heard about this from my mom lol. What were you guys thinking handing out lube outside of a church after a service anyways? I mean, what did you expect would happen? I do have to admit, it is kind of funny lol
January 14th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
If you were going to write a bs apology you should have just payed the fine, this is just disrespectful
January 14th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
We were thinking people need lube! And although you can use to much, you can never have too much. Our apology was in NO way BS, we meant every word of it =)
January 14th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
If the birth of christ is not an occasion to hand out free lube, I’m not sure what is. Heck, if the not-so-virgin Mary had had more lube handy, she might not have gone out with that Roman soldier and we would all be Jews now or celebrating the much more fun pagan holiday of winter solstice.
Thanks!
January 15th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
The Jews? Winter Solstice? Seriously, this is the kind of crap stunts like this generate. I hope you’re happy
January 15th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
My response to the individual named as concerned in this string of comments…
If you love yourself, and your faith, and your country then be ready and willing and able to embrace one simple truth. We are all individuals.
Choices are made every day that impact and affect the lives of others.
People are sent to war without their consent, people make and lose fortunes and there are people who have sex and babies are born.
Get over yourself and your sanctimonious attitude.
If you do not like what was written or the actions of the group who gave freely of their time and resources to support and protect others from STI’s and HIV or unwanted pregnancy then don’t like it! That is your right.
Save yourself, however, the trouble of sharing your wasted breath by espousing your “attitude” and antiquated beliefs with others.
The Internet used to also have rules of conduct (much the same as the Catholic faith). One such rule was no FLAMING! Flaming is exactly the behavior and way in which you have responded to the apology.
Perhaps you would do well to respect the rules of the neighborhood before moving in.
Oh and by the way, get a life!
January 16th, 2009 at 12:24 am
LOLOLOLOL THIS IS TOO FUNNY!
January 16th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
I Agree with Mrs. Pederson Concerned, you need to take a step back and just chill. Think about it this way, the couple of homeless guys that they paid to do this probably had enough to get into the shelter that night, they could have frozen to death. Like it or not, this store may have saved a couple of lives by this.
January 17th, 2009 at 2:48 am
Yeah flaming doesn’t really get you anywhere concerned, we don’t mind approving comments that you are against the promotion and the apology but some content would be nice!
January 20th, 2009 at 1:16 am
Wherez the lubez petetion?
January 21st, 2009 at 12:18 am
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