Midwest Triple X - Minneapolis’ Adult Store

As promised, here is an extremely simple exercise to help couples (groups or whatever else you’re into) open up to eachother. We get this request alot at Midwest Triple X, as well as in our home parties that we do.

You make a list, but not just any list. You each make a list (in private) of these specific things.

1) Three things you have done in the past that you enjoy (whether with your partner or someone else)

2) Three things that you would never do

3) Three things that you would like to try

Seems simple enough, but heres the kicker. Make 1 list every month for 3 months straight. You will be suprised. You’re first, and very rarely your second list will be extremely tame (in general). All it takes is one person to break the ice to open eachothers mind, and feel comfortable. And as always, this only works with open communication, and with the understanding that it must be safe, sane, and consensual!

We’re all here. Seems like a fairly obvious statement but some people seem to forget that. We take alot of crap from people, people from all walks. They seem to miss a very key aspect of things, that we’re all here.

As much as it is a little bit disturbing to think about it, you’re here because your parents schtupped. They got down. Got it on. More likely than not they did it a bunch too.

Anyways, back to my rant.

There is no reason not to be open about sexual matters. With your kids, siblings, parents, really anyone for that matter. In terms of specifics that is up to your discretion, but general conversations shouldn’t be a problem at all. SEX ISN’T A 4 LETTER WORD! And it sure as hell never will be!

It would be bad enough if we were just a “Don’t push the red button!” society, but unfortunately, at this point we can’t even openly discuss that there is a red button at all! People get upset when 14 year old girls get knocked up, or even if they find out they’re having intercourse for that matter. Frankly, I would be too if it was my daughter (I have none). Well, instead of shifting blame solely to a 14 year old girl (who can’t even get a drink, a pack of smokes, or a porno if she wanted), maybe these kids parents should take a little responsibility. Instead of shying away from something as taboo as sex (the reason you’re alive to read this right now), why not actually address and educate!

Too many parents it seems these days leave this daunting task up to the school system. Not knocking the school system at all, but let’s assume for a second your child is actually in class and not in the principals office, or out sick, or skipping that day.

1) Kids generally don’t retain a whole hell of alot of information they learn in school

2) There are fairly strict guidelines on what teachers can and can’t say (even in sex ed)

3) How well do you know your childrens teachers?

4) Your kid is probably daydreaming about the new playstation 3, not giving a rats ass about about what a Fallopian Tubes purpose is

5) You don’t need to know that a fallopian tube even exists to get yourself into trouble sexually (pregnancy, std’s etc.)

I’m using parents and their kids as an example here, but realize that this carrys over to you grownups as well. This whole elephant in the living room nonsense isn’t going to fly anymore. How do you expect your kids not to get trampled if you don’t explain that Hey! You’re too young to get trampled by an elephant! Lemme tell you, it’s right there, this is your options when dealing with an elephant, and here is the risks and rewards.

In terms of couples and people that are married, even they have this similiar issues. First off, if you said I do, then there is no reason to not be upfront with your spouse. Whether you’re talking about what your favorite toothpaste is, or what your favorite sexual position is. ***Newsflash*** YOU’RE MARRIED, YOU’VE ALREADY SEALED THE DEAL AND MADE YOUR PROMISE TO GOD! It’s even ok to schtupp now in his eyes, and you’re still pussy footin around the subject! Come on!

For couples talking specifically about sexual matters I suggest 1 simple exercise for the two of you. But we’ll follow that up in a different entry~

Orgasms On Command; Counting Down to Ecstasy.

You may have heard someone talking about it, or you may have even tried it. Tried it, perhaps without result. Or you may have even faked it. Orgasms, on command, is it possible? Well the answer is for most is yes. Though, it depends greatly on particular factors.

The first and greatest is of course a willingness to have it happen. If you or your subject is dead set against this possibility there is no way you will ever get there. Like any “hypnotic” or conditioned effect, it depends greatly on the willingness of the subject to immerse themselves in the idea. The second factor is patience. You’re not going to teach or learn this in a few hours or even in a few weeks, unless you are very, very susceptible to suggestion. The easiest way to explain what this entails is to talk about Pavlov’s experiments, otherwise known as the Pavlovian effect. For those who don’t know what I am speaking of Pavlov experimented in learned response. This is essentially what we are striving for, a learned response. With Pavlov it was simple, each time he called the subject, a dog, to eat, he rang a bell, eventually just by ringing the bell caused the dog to salivate in preparation for dinner.

We do the same thing with orgasms. Beginning with conventional sex we know will cause an orgasmic response. Be that intercourse or perhaps working with a favorite toy. We are working with a count, from ten to one with the permission to release at zero, or if wished followed by a phrase such as “cum now”, or “cum for me”, etc. In case you are wondering I have had this work with both males and females.

The first step is of course sexual excitement, start with a lot of foreplay, and use what you know gets a person hot. No pressure. But be sure the person knows ahead of time they cannot orgasm without permission to do so. That no matter what they must wait until you say they can cum. What follows is a step by step count down with dialogue, you can change the dialog as you wish, but its best to keep to the principals.

As you feel you subject is approaching orgasm start the countdown. Whisper in their ear with a sensual voice. Make sure you have their attention.

“Are you ready to Cum Now? Can you feel it? Don’t cum until I tell you too, Are you ready”?

“10: Can you feel it building? That spot of heat in your belly”?

“9: Hold that heat, feel it build but hold it in a tight ball right at the pit of your belly”.

“8: You feel it get hotter now, spreading through your center”.

“7: Let the ball of fire build hotter, but hold it tightly”.

“6: Feel the ball start to grow tendrils, feel them reach out through your chest and arms to your fingers”.

“5: Feel your fingers and toes start to tingle, feel the heat start to be pulled into your center”.

“4: Concentrate on all this heat of your body drawn into your center, draw it back in and hold it tightly”.

“3: Growing hotter, hold the fire tightly, until I tell you to cum ( My Love, My sweet)”.

“2: Unbearable now, but hold it for me feel it ready to burst “.

“1: When I say (add your phrase or use zero) cum for me. I want you to feel that heat that fire run through your body and out your fingers and toes, are you ready? Are you ready to cum for me? Say Please”.

*At this point pay close attention to their movements, as you may have to draw it out a bit, by counting slowly, or quickening up the pace if you feel they can hold the orgasm no longer.*

“0: Now, cum NOW! (my love) Cum for me, feel that ball of heat explode through you, feel it run out your through your body”.

Be sure to keep your voice quiet and melodious, Not sharp, if your not sure how to do this rent a hypnosis tape and listen to the way they speak. It should be husky and sensual, your breath in their ear. Quiet so that they feel that it is all for them, that you two are the only ones there, private, safe, comfortable.

Each time you have sex, or play with a favorite toy, keep the same count, with the same script, with few if any variations. Have them hold their orgasm until the last moment and focus on their pleasure at that time. There will be time for you later. This will do a few things, it will make them feel special, it will give you a sense of accomplishment and it will begin to add a suggestion to their mind to associate your words and the countdown with orgasm.

Eventually, after the first few initial experiences slowly start to get rid of the speaking portions, first every third sentence, then every other one and so on until you are down only to the countdown from ten. This should take a few months or more until eventually the idea is down to knowing when they are ready to orgasm and that they should hold orgasm until you say zero, O, or your phrase.

After a period of time, which differs for most people, just the count will be deeply associated with the orgasmic response. Once the mind is trained, for most, all it takes is a bit of excitement, or a mild turned on feeling to have the count instigate the orgasmic response. For those who are more suggestible the response can be brought on “cold,” even in public, like in a restaurant or on a plane, ect. ect.

This does not work for everyone of course, but it is possible with a large portion of the population. An interesting effect is that once a subject has an orgasm the effect is usually very easy to immediately duplicate. My record at this time is 34 orgasms in a 4 hour period, each more powerful than the last.

Again, Thanks to wolf at Shadow Academy for such a detailed write up, you frickin rock!  For more info, visit him at Shadowacademy.com or come see us at Midwest Triple X .

Kink Etiquette

Consent

Consent is the foundation for the adult kinky activities community. Consent must be informed consent, based on an appreciation and understanding of the facts and implications of the activity at hand.

Informed consent is a legal condition whereby a person can be said to have given consent based upon a full appreciation and understanding of the facts and implications of any actions, with the individual being in possession of all of his/her faculties (they are not mentally retarded or mentally ill), and his/her judgment not being impaired at the time of consenting (by sleepiness, intoxication by alcohol or drugs, other health problems, etc.).

For the kink community, consent is the informed and voluntary (ongoing) agreement of a competent person who approves of the activity at hand, the time and place where the activity is occurring and who approves of the other people who are also involved. Consent can be withdrawn at any time for any reason.

In certain circumstances, consent can be non verbal and spontaneous. However the risk of nonconsensual behavior can increase dramatically without specific prior verbal negotiation. Even people who are familiar play partners can accidentally do something that the other person doesn’t want, and hence be guilty of non-consensual or non-con behavior. Strangers or casual friends should never attempt to assume consent without specific prior verbal negotiation.

The general public cannot be assumed to be consenting. Anyone seriously intoxicated or otherwise significantly emotionally/mentally impaired cannot give consent. Other forms of impairment are illness, insufficient sleep and other health issues. A person who is in a seriously altered state, such as deep into a scene should be assumed to be unable to give consent. Consent is the basis for the negotiation that occurs regarding scenes that play partners wish to engage in with each other.

[Note: It shouldn't have to be said, but anyone under the age of 18 cannot give consent to participate or even observe adult kinky activities under any circumstances. Such activity is automatically illegal and completely unethical. Underage children are never welcome at an adult kinky event and anyone who even appears possibly underage can expect to have their ID checked at the door despite anonymity protocols.

I should also note that it is rare that alcohol is allowed at kink events, much less served. There is more than enough excitement to go around at a kink event without booze being poured into the mix affecting judgment, perception and ability. In the rare cases where booze is allowed, the minimum age to attend the event is 21 and ID's will always be requested from everyone attending, no matter how old they look.]

Diversity & Mutual Respect

Be considerate & sensitive to those around you. The twin cities kink community is very diverse racially, culturally, socio-economically, gender identity-wise, sexual orientation-wise, and in many other ways as well. Their ages span from 18 to 70+, and nearly everyone has different alternative erotic interests. If you do feel a need to share a difference of opinion, do so civilly, respectfully and appropriately.
If you don’t like what is going on at a party, workshop or event, you don’t have to participate. If you don’t like seeing what is going on, you don’t have to watch. If you want to criticize people’s appearance or kind of play, keep it to yourself. If you are genuinely concerned about the safety of an activity, alert a DM (dungeon monitor) or the host. It is public play, so obviously observing is ok, if not encouraged, however there is a difference between looking with respect, interest and emotion and disrespectful offensive gawking.

We must be Responsible & Respectful

Practice respect, responsibility and discretion - Street dress to and from the event, no matter what it is. Be considerate of the neighborhood and the venue, no matter if the venue is a public place or someone’s house.

YKIOK, MKIOK

Your kink is ok, my kink is ok. The term kink is very inclusive and represents all manner of healthy and enjoyable erotic diversions. Just because something isn’t your idea of a good time or turns you off, doesn’t give you the right to marginalize or bash the activity, nor the people who enjoy it. In fact, it is very inappropriate to do so. Nearly all kinky activities can be done safely and responsibly provided you have the appropriate skill, knowledge and equipment.

Negotiation & Limits

Before engaging in kinky activities with others, it is critical that you negotiate and talk about the scene you want to have, to outline what will and will not happen during the play session. Limits refer to activities that a partner feels strongly about, and to which special attention must be paid. During the negotiation, all participants outline what they desire and what they will not tolerate. These are called limits.  All participants in the scene should express their limits and discussing them fully usually results in an improved experience for all involved.

Safe Words

Because we sometimes do scenes where a bottom might say, no or stop but not mean it, a method needed to be developed to indicate that there really was an issue with the scene. Safewords are simple, normally green light, yellow light, red light and safeword. However there can be many reasons for using them. It could mean that the bottom is reaching a limit or is having an issue such as they have to stop the scene to go to the bathroom. Safewords are agreed upon before playing a scene by all participants. Tops as well as Bottoms can Safe Word within a scene.

Many organized BDSM groups have standard safewords that all members agree to use to avoid confusion at organized play events.
Anonymity & Confidentiality

The kink community has a long, strict tradition of anonymity and confidentiality. Each person differs in how out they are to their friends, family, coworkers and neighbors. Each person also differs in how comfortable they are with being out. In addition, because kink enthusiasts are not a protected class of people, people can and have been dismissed from jobs, lost their children in custody battles and so on due to ignorance and prejudice as a result of being out-ed (publicizing the otherwise private information that someone participated in kinky activities.)

So never reveal the real names of community members without their permission, never disclose or discuss who was at an event to those who weren’t at that event without the permission of those you are referring to. Use Scene names whenever possible. Never reveal the location of an event, workshop or party to anyone who is not invited. Be discrete, fly under the radar and help others do so as well.
Locations of local kink events, workshops and parties are nearly always confidential to community members, ticket holders or participants, keep it that way before and after the event. Be discrete, fly under the radar and help others do so as well.

Sexual & Sensual Touching (Non - Consensual)

Do not touch anyone in a sexual or sensual way non-consensually. Just because someone is a bottom and/or people and they are at a kinky event, doesn’t give you consent to do anything to them without their express permission. Obviously this also applies to any other gender identity as well as to top’s or switch’s.

Sexual & sensual touching includes rubbing someone’s neck, grabbing them around the waist, hugging them, tickling their side, touching their jewelry, collar or hair, patting them on the ass, etc. Respect people’s personal space and possessions, always ask before touching anyone sensually or sexually.

When someone is dancing, don’t assume she wants to dance with you, ask. If she is grinding and dirty dancing with someone else, don’t assume he wants to do that with you, ask. If someone moves away, assume they would rather not dance with you. If unsure, ask. Be polite when asking, gracious if turned away.

If someone is naked or partially naked, even traditionally non-sexual/non-sensual touching is likely to be inappropriate. Ask before touching *in any way* a naked or partially naked person. For example, ask if they would mind a hug, don’t walk up and tickle them, etc.
Never touch someone’s collar, piercing or tattoo without permission. Just because someone is naked, doesn’t mean they want to play. Just because someone is playing with others, doesn’t mean they want to play with you.

Be polite when asking, gracious if turned away. (Be polite when turning someone down, it isn’t easy to ask.) Assertive communication is kind communication. You don’t do anyone any favors by trying to get someone to get the hint.

If someone attempts to engage you non-consensually, ask them to stop and inform them you are not interested. If they continue to attempt to engage you, inform a workshop host. Harassment will not be tolerated. No means no.

Do not assume that because one is top/dominant that they require or want your service, nor that because one is bottom/submissive that they will provide or want to provide you with service if you are a top/dominant.

No one has to do anything they don’t want to do at any kink event in the Twin Cities.

Toys & Equipment

For many of us, the items we use for kinky activities can become quite personal if not sacred. Never touch someone else’s toys, equipment or possessions without permission.
__________________________________________

Kinky Activities
verses Abuse

Kinky Activities:

Nearly all people who engage in Safe, Sane and Consensual kinky activities do so as a pleasurable, healthy, recreational activity. They don’t try and hide evidence of their play from other kink enthusiasts and will often take pride and enjoyment in sharing their lifestyle activities with others with similar interests. Their mindset during kinky activities is positive and erotic, they feel good before, during and afterwards. They confidently make healthy choices about their play based on a variety of circumstances, including when to play, where to play, to what extent, and with whom. As a rule, they can immediately stop if circumstances change. Their kinky activities add a positive dimension to their lives and may even help them heal long-term personal issues, and grow as people.

Consensual - the presence of on-going mutual informed consent is the basis for all kinky activities

Pleasurable, positive & enjoyable for everyone involved, physically & mentally healthy

Mindset for everyone during the activities is positive and erotic

Add a positive dimension to people’s lives and may even help them heal and grow

Abuse:

Abuse is marked by compulsivity, a lack of control, shame, lies, anger and most important of all, a lack of mutual informed consent. Abuse and the evidence of it is nearly always hidden from as many people as possible, denial and defensiveness often accompany discussions of the abusive activities. Abuse frequently happens when things are bad and people’s mindset during the abuse is negative. The abusers normally exhibit poor control over when, where, and to what extent they will abuse someone. Abuse is limiting and destructive to the lives of everyone involved. Abusers will frequently feel guilty after abusing someone, though not always. Abuse is frequently accompanied by drug and alcohol use.
Lack of consent

Unenjoyable, unpleasant (if not horrific) for at least some of the people involved, frequently for all of the people involved

Limiting and destructive for everyone involved, physically and mentally

Mindset for everyone involved is negative and oppressive

Often leads to long term mental health and physical health issues for everyone involved

Abusers are criminals, whether spouse batterers, child molesters, rapists

Is often accompanied by drug and alcohol use, abuse and addiction

Is often cyclical and compulsive in nature

The Kink Community

Ultimately, the Kink community is similar to other types of communities where adults engage in recreational pursuits. From scuba diving to hang gliding to martial arts, many of these activities have elements that can be described as violent and/or dangerous and regularly result in injuries to the participants yet are very popular across the entire world. Injuries are actually rare in Kink and most of the activities are not dangerous. A few of the activities might purposefully involve striking or hurting another person, like the sports of football, wrestling or boxing. However unlike those sports, Kink participants are rarely if ever, combative, adversarial or hostile towards one another. Participation in Kink recreational diversions often requires skill and knowledge to do safely, just like scuba diving, ball room dance or mowing the lawn.

Kink Activities are physically, mentally and spiritually healthy recreational pursuits engaged in by consenting adults with other consenting adults. They are popular, done all over the world, and nearly always contribute to the positive growth of the people involved.

Thank you to Shannon with http://www.eroticdeviance.org for this write up on Kink Etiquette. If you are in the Twin Cities, visit her site and drop her an email!

Neosporanne wants you to log on for raids.  We agree with her, you need to log on, for raids.  We put down our porn and sex shit to log on, so should you!  Oh yeah, if you’re ASD, you can fuck right the hell off!  This PSA has been brought to you by NSA, Neosporanne, and the ad council.

Ahhhh the swinger community. Part of the community or not, you gotta love em. We had the privilage of being invited to Group Sensuals launch event on New Years by founders Missie and Tony. They are the brand new swingers group in town, and it looks like not only are they here to stay…but are here to dominate.

Group Sensual was founded by 2 swingers, but is maintained by numerous pillars of the swinging community. Many other groups claim it, but Group Sensual is actually doing it…the first swingers group, by swingers, for swingers. What we are impressed with is not only the cost of the events (or lack thereof sometimes!) but how well put together they are. We showed up at the hall, and to our suprise there were less than 10 cars in the parking lot. We was a little confused at first, but then remembered that they had a limo shuttling people back and forth from the hotel. What a setup!

We were greeted in the entrance by a very friendly sharply dressed couple, which explained the lay of the land as it pertained to the building etc. We went in, got checked in, which also to our suprise was a very quick efficient process. The draw for the night was about 400 people or so. Great turnout considering the other 2 main swinger groups were also throwing parties on New Years parties that night (from what we hear their turnout was not nearly that of Group Sensuals.)

Of course, as soon as we got in the actual hall we bee lined for the bar. We figure what better way to keep your liver in shape than by working it out. Anyways, very friendly bar tender, good stiff drinks and well priced.

Next it was on to find a table and hang out a bit. We were surrounded by good looking, well dressed, and extremely friendly people. The hall was decorated very nicely, and music was blaring so it was a great chance to talk and meet some people. After numerous conversations (and even more drinks) it was time to eat. The spread was great! Good selection, freshly prepared, and well presented.

What I was especially impressed with, was the cross section of people that turned out. There was people of all ages, shapes, sizes, colors, and interests. Overall, Great food, Great people, Great price, Great location, Great Music, and an all around Great time.

For upcoming events and more information on Group Sensual, Minneapolis, MN ’s newest swinger group, stop by Midwest Triple X, or visit Group Sensual’s website at http://www.groupsensual.com .

Some Thoughts for the Dominant, according to Wolf

A man once asked Mozart how to write a symphony. Mozart told him to study at the conservatory for six or eight years, then apprentice with a composer for four or five more years, then begin writing a few sonatas, pieces for string quartets, piano concertos, etc. and in another four or five years he would be ready to try a full symphony. The man said, “But, Mozart, didn’t your write a symphony at age eight?” Mozart replied, “Yes, but I didn’t have to ask how.” ::Smile:: Quite a quote and one you may hear from a Dominant, Yes we are born this way, but we all have to start somewhere, learning is the most important skill for a Dominant without it we fail to be a “Good” Dominant.

So what is a Good Dominant?
(What follows is my opinion and in no way states that Mine is the only path to follow, there are many differing opinions out there and I suggest you seek them all. I use the male pronoun as I am MALE though a Dom or Domme is male or female.)

What should a Dominant be?
(The question can only be answered individually, by both submissive and Dominants alike. But here is my rendition of what a Dominant should strive to be.)

The Dominant should be in control of Himself first and foremost, He is confident, caring, and understanding, He does not allow ego to get in the way of learning, both about Himself and his submissive, He knows how to love, and how to cherish the gift given to Him.

When the Dominant meets a new submissive He is kind and guiding without demanding ritual of her, He does not demand respect, He earns it, He explores her mind first, learning her strengths, He does not seek to seduce her , but gets to know her as a person first, building a relationship, slowly discovering if there is to be one.

If He is a good Dominant, He does not do this to gain another submissive, but only because He is able to befriend someone, without the trappings of sexuality, He is not a predator, but a teacher, willing to pass His knowledge with little or no reward, but the pleasure of knowing He can, and the satisfaction of helping someone define their own path.

If the time comes when she offers herself to His service, the Dominant is the first to question her decision, to ask her to look into herself and discover if He is what she really wants. He is the first to mention Safety, to volunteer references, and to tell her to seek more. He supports safe calls and public meetings first, her safety is foremost in His mind at this beginning. If He decides to take the submissive into service, He is the first to mention negotiation, to offer his own personal information. He realizes the danger
she could be in if placed in the wrong hands, and seeks to guide her in protecting herself, He does not dismiss her worries, for He knows her risks are all to real.

He knows His safety also depends on honesty & communication. He is at first only as protective of Himself He needs to need be, but open and honest about His life, His tastes, what He expects. He knows that she will be taking a leap of faith, and is supportive of her.

To possess her He Knows He must first earn her respect, to do this He must prove He is what He says he is, that He cares for her, that He would push her limits only to build her strengths, that He is willing to spend the time to learn her as a person first, then as a submissive. He knows how wonderful this gift is that she offers, and is willing to live up to her trust in Him. To this end, He talks with her, learning her secret needs and desires, and in turn expressing His own, always ready to affirm her worth, to Him, and to herself, increasing her confidence in herself, and in the gift she gives, gently pushing her limits to show her she can be more than she feels she is, that she can go farther than she ever thought possible, Slowly opening the flower of her submission, coaxing her passion for Him into full bloom.

If she lacks self esteem He shows her He respects her and finds her worthy of His time. He shows her she has beauty in His eyes, thus she is beautiful. He focuses on her strengths, to show her of her own power. He softly explains that the gift she gives is the most wonderful gift of all, herself. He takes the time to learn her soul, before thinking of learning her body, as the Dominant learns his new submissive, a connection takes place allowing Him to sense her desires, her needs, her passions. With this new knowledge, the
Dominant is able to take his submissive to new heights of pleasure, to guide her and walk with her as together they seek new levels of love and fulfillment.

In taking a submissive into His service the Dominant takes on many responsibilities. He pledges to help guide her in her path, not only in the bedroom, but in life. He pledges to be there for her when she needs Him, to care for her, ease her pain when she is depressed, comfort her when she is ill, assist her in overcoming her fears and worries, to hold and love her when she needs affection. He does this because He can, for this is His gift to her… Her gift given willingly, His returned with joy, He seeks to understand her mind, to gaze into her soul, because only then can the two become more than each can be as they are as individuals. She is His most precious possession and He strives to prove His love, much the way she will, every day.

The Dominant does not seek to change His submissive into what He wants, but revels in the chance to show her what she can become. He enjoys showing her those strengths she already possesses, and simply guides her, helping her to grow into the person she wishes to be. He coaxes her into finding her own path, but never states outright what that path should be. Once found, He will keep her to her task, gently pushing her to become the woman He knows she can be.

Is there a profile of the perfect Dominant?
I think not — perfection is something we all strive to obtain, but never reach. It is the struggle to find perfection that makes a good Dominant. There is no one description of a good Dominant; just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, no viewpoint is wrong, merely different. All that can be said is that a good Dominant should have the good qualities that include strength, ability, confidence, control, the ability to learn and the presence of mind to know that He can always learn more. He should be, loving, encouraging, honorable and chivalrous, He should respect and cherish women and show the respect to others that He himself wishes to be shown.

The Dominant should be sure of Himself, and in that confidence not think that to build himself He must look down at others. He should be sure of His ideals, but not so sure that His way is the only path. He can allow others to follow their own paths, no matter how different, without ridicule. If He witnesses a wrong he seeks to right it, but without pressing the view that His way is the only one, only expressing the danger of another’s action or offering His assistance to help guide them out of danger.

He knows the difference between punishment and play, between pain and sensation. He never exerts His power in anger, He never brings anger and hostility into a scene. He does not use this gift to vent His anger, but leaves outside concerns outside. He knows that to control others He must first master Himself.

He can exercise His art to help His submissive become the woman she has always been, deep within her spirit. He takes her gift of submission seriously, knowing that it is not given blindly or lightly. He always remembers how precious the gift is, how rare it is, how beautiful it is. For she has given him something that cannot be taken, but must be given, the gift of herself, her soul, and the Dominant should cherish that gift as the rare jewel it is.

The submissive should be firm in her femininity. She offers herself to the Dominant freely, of her own choosing. She gives the gift of her submission in exchange for His love, care, knowledge and protection. She obeys because she chooses to, not because she is forced to. She comes to Him a woman, but unsure of her role, seeking His guidance, and is quick learn what is expected of her. With this learning, and as He opens Himself to her, she begins to give more of herself, of her soul, her secrets, until all the two can share is learned, building their relationship, sharing their secrets and souls, so they may walk this path together.

There is no power lost, no control wrested from her, she gives willingly, the Dominant giving of Himself until an immense measure of trust is built between the two. The sub must trust her Dominant completely in order to give so much of herself to Him, and, the Dominant must trust the sub in order for Him to accept her and her gift.

“Training” (just another word for teaching) is only the process of learning what the Dominant desires. The sub must learn when to kneel, how to sit to please her Dominant, how to address her Dominant, and so on. She does these things because she wishes to, her wish is to please her Dominant in all ways possible. Even the most “bratty” submissive comes to know just what is expected of her and what her Dominant’s limits are.

It is said that the Dominant holds all of the control, and in some ways He does, but this is a consensual relationship. The Dominant holds control, but only as far as the Submissive is willing to go. He may push her limits for the pleasure of both. However, the Submissive can walk away at anytime, hard as that may be, if the Dominant loses sight of her needs. It is said that the submissive has no responsibilities, but a deeper observation shows otherwise. It has been said by many, that the Dominant holds all the responsibilities; however, many of the submissive’s responsibilities are so subtle as to be overlooked. She must please her Dominant, she must act as He would wish, as her every action reflects on her Dominant. She must uphold His honor, as He must uphold hers while protecting her. She must have faith and trust in her Dominant, just as He must prove her trust well founded. She needs the strength of will to know when her Dominant is acting in her best interests, and be willing, without embarrassment, to do as He asks her within her limits. Because that is what her Dominant wants and what she wishes; to please Him she would do that which seems difficult and even embarrassing at the time. She must not follow blindly, but see that what her Dominant asks of her is for the pleasure of them both.

At times the Dominant may understand that the sub can go farther that she thought, and with the use of safe words, He is able to take her there. For the beginning of all relationships it is most important to abide by the perceived limits, it must be taken slowly. If a safe word is used and the Dominant does not heed the submissive’s perceived limit, then an important trust is broken. The use of safe words should be stressed in any new relationship so that the trust and understanding are able to grow. With time and understanding, however, the two can reach a point where the Dominant knows how far the submissive can go physically, emotionally, and spiritually and the submissive can come to trust her Dominant’s decisions. Even then a safe word is still an important safety net. It can be dropped in session, but a worthy Dominant still holds the value of using safe words in new and uncharted territory, even in a long standing and trusting relationship. The caring Dominant knows He cannot read minds, even if He knows His
submissive extremely well.

The submissive has a wonderful role to live with the right Dominant. With Him, she will grow emotionally and spiritually into what she wishes to become, learn to love freely and unconditionally and find the true power deep within her. The Dominant also becomes the man He feels within his soul, proud to be able to walk the honorable path of Teacher, Poet, Warrior and Protector. Proud of His charge and the pleasure they bring each other. Together the two will embark on a journey that will take them out of the realms and limits of society and into the timeless dimensions of the Universe.

Thanks to Wolf at Shadow Academy for all of his amazing work within the community and for permission to use this write up of his. His floggers are available at Midwest Triple X, if you would like to check out his information feel free to visit http://www.shadowacademy.com .

Simply put, cock rings are cooler than almost anything else in the history of the world ever. A brief backround…

Cock rings (c-rings, or cock and ball rings) are rings that fit on a man’s penis. They usually are placed at the base of the penis, but may also be worn around the penis and scrotum, just the scrotum, or other areas of the shaft as well. They are most commonly constructed of rubber, silicone, leather, or metals.

Cock rings purpose are to slow the escape of blood from an erect penis. This means maintaining an erection for a longer period of time, an increase in size, as well as heightened sensations during oragasm. For this reason, cock rings may be used as an aid to prevent erectile dysfunction, or simply for a new sensation. Cock rings may also be worn simply as jewelry.

Types of cock rings

Stretchy Materials - Stretchy materials are generally applied when the penis is flacid (soft), but some may also be applied when already aroused. They may be silicone, nylon, or rubber most commonly. Many variations of these kind of cock rings exist. Many even vibrate. Some are able to simply cinch to size, these are known as a rubber hog tie. Some include clitoral stimulators, anal stimlators, or both. They may include a ring for the cock and balls, as well as one for just the shaft. There are also variations that may include 5 or 6 rings, referred to as the gates of hell.

Leather - Leather cock rings generally have a break in the material for connecting. They may have studs on the outside of the ring simply for fashion, or for added stimulation. Some cock rings have buckles, some snap, and others just stretch.

Metal Cock Rings - Metal Cock Rings may be made out of Stainless Steel, Chrome, or Titanium. Some of these cock rings have a break in them, with a hinge and a nut so you may take them off while erect if need be. Most however are a solid ring. The general sizing on a cock ring varies from 1.5 inches to 2.25 inches, however custom made rings are available. Like the other materials cock rings are made out of, metal cock rings come in various shapes and sizes.

Wrap up and sizing

Cock rings are a must if you’ve never tried one, or if you have erectile dysfunction. We suggest starting with a rubber or a silicone ring to get the feel of it. When you’re ready step up to a stainless or a chrome ring. We suggest chrome, as it is affordable, and doesn’t have the risk of irritation like stainless steel can. In terms of sizing, you may either wrap a string around your scrotum and penis, or simply start big and work your way smaller. If you ever experience ANY pain with a cock ring, STOP what you’re doing and remove the ring when possible. If this occurs with a chrome cock ring simply step up your sizing 1 notch.

November 9th, after much turmoil we are finally open! Midwest Triple X is located at 207 Washington Ave. North in Minneapolis. We are 1/2 block west of Sexworld on the Northeast corner of 2nd and Washington. We love Minneapolis!

We believe we are the only 100% employee owned (Co-Op?!) in Minnesota, possibly the US. If anyone has and info for us on this let us know!

Anyways, long road to get here. The owner of the former shop in this location (Robert Weisberg) was the guy who drove Shinders into the ground. We were actually employees of his at one point. The owners of Midwest Triple X worked at Adult Only Superstore.  Needless to say we ran into some hard times and issues in regards to the former store (mainly with payroll disappearing etc.) We all walked out due to lack of pay, once the former owner and store were evicted we picked the lease back up, remodeled (fluorescent lights suck!), restocked, and decided to go an entirely different direction.

We realized that most shops around here relied off flashy lights, high price points (even for mostly used product), free popcorn, and a churning customer base to stay open. We run off the BASIC principles that there is NEVER a need to do business at the expense of your customers or employees. After all, customers and employees are the biggest asset to a business! There is a right way and a wrong way to do things, and we are here to do things right!

Our shop specializes in straight, gay, and everything in between in terms of both Toys, DVD’s, and other goods. We do alot of work with local artisians and the community to offer the best Minnesota crafted goods, at the best possible price. We also will special order hard to find DVD’s, and do it no money down! We love custom orders as well on leather, suede, paddles, floggers, and sex machines! If your serious about play, you have a home here! Anyone who tells you that you can’t stimulate the economy by stimulating yourself is full of it!

Shinders and AOS provided a great service, and will be missed by anyone who has bought porno or pogs from em. Thank you to Matt McKinney with the star Tribune for providing such great coverage of the Shinder’s last run debacle. To Joel Shinder, thank you for the 91-3 years of services your store provided, we’re sorry that your family’s legacy was screwed over by a couple of bad seeds.